Bring the Boo-Ya

Delayed Reactions

2007-01-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the absence. There was a train and I got held up at the tracks... also, my car wouldn't start and I had to fiddle around with that to see what the problem was. But I'm here now, so we can proceed with the blog:

So yeah, Rocky Balboa. I went and saw it on opening night and that seems like eons ago. I can't seem to remember lots 'o details to give you an amazing movie review about a movie that a) probably isn't even in theaters anymore, and b) most of you don't really care about anyways. The details are insignificant anyways. I've had many weeks to let it all soak in, and my overall impression is still that it was a decent movie, not the most awful movie of the year, to which I previously suggested it would be. (Maybe that would have to be Art School Confidential. Yeah, I'm sure it would)

I'm a fan of the Rocky character. Sylvester Stallone is, admittedly, not the best actor around. However, he does Rocky particularly well, and again in this movie. I'd say maybe the best since the original. (By the way, if you've never seen the original, CHECK IT OUT!) My biggest concern was that Stallone is pretty old to be doing this sort of thing. A 60 year old boxer? Please. The story ended up to work really well with his age, focusing on how Rocky is dealing with being old and the loss of Adrian.

Like I said, this was a decent movie. It has it's faults like overly cliche moments and some distracting camera work during the big fight. The big test is that I didn't feel like I wasted my hard earned roll of quarters when I left the theater. I should be a movie reviewer and that could be part of my rating system. Like, how many quarters out of a roll did this movie earn? Rock Balboa, you get $7.25.

The World Ain't Sunshine And Rainbows

2006-12-12T21:50:00.000-05:00

Being financially strapped is the pits for a person like myself who enjoys viewing movies in the theater. I haven't seen one of them there flicks at the cinema in quite some time now. There are some really good looking movies out/coming out, some of them Oscar nomination worthy. That's too bad because the one movie I'm going to scrounge up loose change to go see is probably going to be the one at the far, far opposite end of Oscar worthy. Rocky Balboa, bitches. Rocky Balboa.

30 years after the original (and Oscar winning) Rocky came out, Sylvester decided to keep this train a-rollin'. And why the fuck not? Rocky practically won the cold war by beating Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. I think that's enough to warrant doing whatever you want. The thing about Rocky Balboa is that it's probably going to suck hard. After III, it was a quick decline to utter crap. Plus, you'd think that Rocky would be blind by now. I'm pretty sure that in II the doctors told him that he couldn't take many more to that eye of his.

When I think about it all that, that's when it seems like the movie of all movies- a perpetual underdog 65 year old boxer who should be half blind but probably isn't fights a guy named Mason "The Line" Dixon. Just don't think about how it's destined to be awful and it's the best movie of the season!

There Was Turkey And Stuff(ing)

2006-12-07T22:40:00.000-05:00

So I guess I'm pretty much a deadbeat blog daddy. I don't know what the F is up... I swear the days and weeks have just been zipping bye. I wanted to reply to some comments about my Thanksgiving dinner this year and I just kept putting it of and then BAM! It got all December on me up in this bitch. Luckily it's never to late to talk about Thanksgiving dinner. Now first of all, let me just say that I don't know how it became tradition that I take a picture of my plate on Thanksgiving... I only did that once and that was last year. If it is tradition, well, I totally broke it this year. I thought about doing it, but the problem is that I don't have a digital camera anymore. Mine has been broken for over a year now and I just can't afford to get it fixed/get a new one. (Incidentally, if any of you would like to help resolve that situation, I will welcome and accept ca$h money.)

Basically my Thanksgiving dinner was a carbon copy of last years, minus the gold silverware. It was just my parents and I, so apparently when it's just me, the goldware stays put. Oh, I asked my mom if I can have it when she, um, doesn't want it anymore. She never really answered me, so I may have to just take it and hide it. And then sell it to Laura. She yearns to be as classy as my family.

Deux-sy

2006-11-14T20:22:00.000-05:00

Reasons why I'm a bad blog daddy:

My blog turned 2 years old recently. I think it was on the 12 of November, so happy belated birthday, Blog! And thanks to the few of you that still read my blog. Virtual hugs for all of you.
I have been really really bad at adding new posts. The sad thing is that almost every day I think of at least two or three things that I would like to post about. Somehow I never get around to that. I blame the fact that I'm stuck using dial-up for the time being and it's so slooooow to do anything on here. Thinking about that just makes me not even want to bother. And whenever I hear the word "bother", I think of Eyore. Poor Eyore.

Ok, I thought I might have more for an unordered list there, but I guess not. Or maybe I just thought of how slow this will take to post and I lost interest...

Plinko El Cheapo

2006-11-01T20:49:00.000-05:00

Bob Barker is retiring from the Price Is Right, so that pretty much throws a wrench in my theory that he's a damn robot. Unless he's trying to throw us Bob-Is-A-Robot believers off the path by retiring. I mean, why would a robot need to retire? Hmm... a trixy little bastard.

I just heard that he was throwing in the towel soon so I don't know if they plan on continuing the show with someone else. I'd say that is a tough call. On one hand, how the hell do you fill those shoes? I mean, when Rod Roddy died and that other guy took over, the announcing just never felt natural to me again. Try putting in a new host and see how well I like that. On the other hand, How can we not have the Price Is Right? It has become an American institution, much like obesity and re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond. I hated that god awful set ever since I was a tiny tot, but having the show without those majestic carpeted walls and the glittery PIR sign? No thanks!

While I'm on the subject of the Price Is Right, I would just like to mention that I went to high school and was at one time friends with the biggest winner in the history of the show. (Well, at the time he was. That was on the Bob Barker 80th birthday prime-time special. Maybe someone else one a shit ton+1, ousting my friends shit ton of winnings.) Hmmm... I'm not sure where he ranks on my list of Most Famous People I Know. Will, you might be out of the top 3.

Chug Some Death

2006-10-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

Wondering how much caffeine it would take to kill a person is something that we've all thought about at one time or another, am I right? Well, hallelujah because the site Death By Caffeine can answer that question for you in a few simple clicks! You get to pick your caffeine-infused beverage of choice from a list containing just about any beverage ever made, excluding ambrosia. I chose Josta as the beverage of my liking because a) I haven't thought of that drink in years and b) I couldn't really figure out why it was even on the list considering it was pulled off the market seven years ago. It turns out that it would take 235.34 cans of Josta to kill me*. Now, this isn't very scientific at all because I don't know in what time frame I would have to drink all that, and are those 12 oz. cans or what? Also, I'm pretty sure that my insides would burst open way before I even hit that number. Or my heart would explode after can number 12.

*This is, of course, written with the playful assumption that I can be killed.

Some Men Are Destined For Great Things

2006-10-07T20:54:00.000-04:00

Deep down, do you ever feel like you were meant for a particular duty? Something so perfectly connected to you that you realize your calling in life? Well, that's 100% how I felt when I saw the commercial for Trivial Pursuit: Totally 80's Edition. This is what I was bred for. Do you hear that? It sounds a little like DESTINY calling.

It's Ok With Me

2006-09-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

It's been about nine days since I last trimmed my fingernails, and I guess the really aren't growing freakishly fast. Maybe it was just a one time deal, or maybe there really are things that affect the rate of growth with your nails. None of you turned out to be fingernail experts, so that was disappointing.

I just finished watching the first season of Lost and it always bothered me when they would show Sayid's hands because that dude has pretty long nails. He could poke the eye out of a boar if he wanted to. Maybe he does in Season 2, I don't know yet. If you do in fact know, don't tell me, I want to be surprised when it does (or doesn't) happen.

These Ain't No Press-On's

2006-09-19T22:59:00.000-04:00

Is anybody out there an expert on fingernail growth? I think that recently my fingernails have been growing quicker than normal and I was wondering if there is anything that can stimulate that. I haven't been keeping track very scientifically, so I can't really say for sure that they have been growing quicker. It's just a gut feeling. Not unlike the gut feelings that aided John McClain in the hit movie Die Hard. (Yippee-ki-ay mother fucker!) So if that movie taught me anything, it's to trust your gut. And to always keep your shoes on.

In an effort to make this a bit more scientific, I trimmed my nails on Sunday evening. I'm keeping track this time. I'm going to crack this case. (But I may need the help of my trusty friend, Ghostwriter!) Also, while we are on the subject of fingernails, has anyone ever had their nail fall off? I knew some people in school who had their nails fall off after having them struck very hard by either a baseball or a hammer, stuff like that. I always thought that was cooooooool. Granted, their fingers looked really nasty and I'm sure that it hurt like hell, but a small price to pay to impress me, right?

It's Dund-Miff Time, Bitches!

2006-09-15T09:39:00.000-04:00

I thought that I would remind you all that the season premiere of The Office is Thursday, Sept. 21. I can't wait to see what happens with Pam and Jim. Plus I miss my ol' buddy Dwight. So, if you don't watch The Office, that's too damn bad. You should consider checking it out. Ya know, since it's so damn good and all.

Oh, and I realize that nobody will probably read this in time since everybody probably thinks I've abandoned my blog. I'm ready to blog, people! I have less interesting things to say that before, and I realize that's not really a big draw, but stick around and when I become frickin' famous, you can say you were there back when I was underground. You'll get more street cred that way.

AWOL

2006-08-11T19:24:00.000-04:00

I just want to inform you all that I will be on a hiatus for a month or so, but I'll be back. Don't you worry!

"Let's Dance, Dick Weed"

2006-07-21T23:20:00.000-04:00

Green With Envy?

2006-07-18T14:05:00.000-04:00

I want to explain right now that I'm not stooping to a large dose of toilet humor just for a few giggles, or chortles, or moments of unamused silence, or whatever it is you do. It's just that my poop has been as green as the front lawn the past three days and it is perplexing me. I decided to hit up good ol' Google to see what I could find just to, ya know, make sure I'm not about to shit a leprechaun. There sure were a healthy dose of green poop-related sites. (Yay for me!) However, I didn't come to a comfortable conclusion regarding the new and fun hue of my stool. I haven't had unusually high amounts of vegetables lately, nor have I had anything heavy in green dyes. I think. I have a difficult time remembering what I ate the last few days. Maybe I ate an entire bag of marijuana, who knows.

Even though this search didn't yield too much in the way of answers for me, I did come across a page called "The Scoop On Poop". It was a bit informative. It's nice to know why some poop floats and where the origin of the word "poop" comes from. Quite enlightening.

The Sun Burns

2006-07-14T09:06:00.000-04:00

I must have gotten sunburned on my arms a few weeks ago and it has been peeling and it makes me look reptilian. I think it's taking way too long, but I'm not sure. I don't usually burn, I just become a bronzed Adonis the moment the sun's rays touch my skin (Which only include the parts of me that aren't covered by my shirt or shorts. Who would I be without my farmer's tan?). I wish that layer of skin would get its peeling done and over with so I can go on with my life. I think people are freaked out by Reptilian Arms. I guess it's probably not the arms that are doing the intimidating. Probably my fantastic looking man-legs, perfectly seasoned with the right amount of leg hair and defined by my incredible gastrocnemius's...

Sniff Sniff. The Position Has Been Filled

2006-07-06T22:30:00.000-04:00

Job interviews can be scary and nerve racking, but I gotta tell ya, the usual jittery-bugs that are the primary concern of most people are not that great of a concern to me. The fear of accidently farting is what worries me most. I mean, c'mon, how to you rebound from THAT? You can kiss your chances off right then and there with that one swift toot. That's why I don't eat broccoli before an interview.

Julliet. Quatro.

2006-07-04T13:45:00.000-04:00

Independence Day. Patriotism. Red, white and blue. Really, what else could I post today but THIS:

The Mana Of Beverages

2006-07-01T00:18:00.000-04:00

I bought a bottle of Vernors at the store today and I've been saving it for later. Well, it is now later and I am oh so ready to drink that bitch up! I absolutely love Vernors. Some people think it is an old lady kind of carbonated beverage. Some think that it is just plain old ginger ale. Um, this is freakin' barrel aged ginger ale, so don't even lay that one down on me. As for it being stereotyped as a geriatric type of beverage, well I can't do much about that. You know what though? I don't care.

This my come as a shock to all of you that I've met since college, but there was a time when I would go to parties and other alcohol-consuming gatherings and I would always BY my OB. That beverage was in fact the remarkable and mystical Vernors. That was all I needed, baby. Screw your bottles of Absolut and Bacardi.

I don't know what I'm doing still typing. I was going to tell you about my friend Tony, the only other person I've met who carries the same penchant and understanding for this tasty beverage as I do, but that will have to wait for another time. My deliciously aged goodness awaits, and I don't mean your mom.

S-A-L-S-A... Salsa. Dance.

2006-06-27T01:11:00.000-04:00

A little bit ago my second most famous friend Will (he's on IMDB!) introduced me to the world of fresh salsa. I had never sampled its goodness until that one faithful day and I must say, I have no intention of purchasing canned salsa ever again. Canned salsa is like dog food. Except for Newman's Own Peach Salsa. I'd buy that stuff again. Until the end of time. Or they stop making it. Or I develop large ulcers.

If you yourself are either a hardcore lover of salsa or even the occasional dipper, I do suggest that your next salsa trip consist of the garden fresh variety. It's just so much better. Is there any other reason needed?

FYI: This salsa is usually found near the deli section at the supermarket. At least it is at the two places I've bought it. How the hell am I supposed to know where your supermarket has this stuff?

MTV Played Videos?

2006-06-21T02:21:00.000-04:00

80's pop music is my friend. It should be everybody's friend. I'm not 100% sure why I enjoy it so much, but I think the nostalgic value is part of it. Don't worry though, I'm not some pretentious 80's music lover who will give you 101 reasons why The Human League is sorely underrated. (They're not.) I'm more about the mainstream hits, and I'm ok with myself for that.

Not only did the 80's produce some of the greatest pop songs ever (Like A Prayer was handed down to us by some God somewhere. No other way to explain it's uber greatness), but I think that the 80's produced some wonderfully awful videos. I loooooove these puppies. I had VH1 Classic for one summer and it was probably the best summer ever. Possibly in part because I was also getting laid then, but that is neither here nor there. There is this site that has TONS of 80's music videos you can watch if you are a fan, or desperately need to educate yourself on some pop culture from this time period. *cough KT cough*

I would like to recommend "Treat Your Mother Right" by Mr. T. I don't think that I've ever seen that one until today, and I can totally see how that one slipped by. Mr. T "raps" a moral lesson on why not to dis someone's momma. Not very B.A. Baracus of him, that's for sure.

This Romeo Is Bleeding

2006-06-17T00:57:00.000-04:00

This picture just kills me. My friend Judie googled "vintage chinese" and this lil' guy popped up for some reason. I bookmarked the page it was on because I knew that I wanted to share it with you all in my blog. The problem was that I wanted to have some really good reason to put it up here due to its high degree of WTFness. After a few days of coming up with nothing at all, I said F-it, just spread the fantasy magical goodness of this with you all.

I have two thoughts on this picture. The first is that I think some guy whipped this up to impress some girl. I know what you're thinking, and yes, that IS one lucky lady. My only other thought I get when I look at this is how much Bon Jovi is turning out to be a bunch of pussies. Teaming up with Sugarland? C'mon, I thought that would only happen in a land filled with, uh... Centaurs.

Best Part About GW

2006-06-16T02:48:00.000-04:00

Will Ferrell, a George Bush impression... I'm always in the mood for those.

I Heart Music

2006-06-09T00:24:00.000-04:00

Yo. There is an article over at Wired about a new CD swap site that is starting to get really big. It's called La La and it's basically like trading CD's, but on a much grander scale. Give the article a read, it might entice you to check it out. A very interesting concept if nothing else.

The World: Is It Still Here?

2006-06-06T01:22:00.000-04:00

In case the world ends today, you can read about it here first!

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12:08 AM: I have been sitting in my room eating a bowl of popcorn and looking out of my window, listening for the hooves of the four horsemen. That's a big negative on the sound of hooves. It's horse free up here.

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1:22 AM: A little bit ago I IM'd my friend Will because I noticed that he was idle. I was worried that the apocalypse had gotten him. Thankfully he was alright. He told me he had held the apocalypse at the door. I hope we can all be as strong as Will when the time comes.

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2:19 AM: I've been listening to "Final Countdown" by Europe over and over for the past 20 minutes. I thought I would prepare myself for Armageddon through the soothing power of 80's music. It only made me think of Gob on Arrested Development. "Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on!" I'm starting to get tired, so I'm gonna hit the hay and shut my eyes. Let's just hope that there is a world when I open them up in the morning...

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10:11 AM: I awoke from my slumber not to the sound of gigantic fireballs pelting the earth, but to the electronic beeps of my alarm clock. What a relief! I was expecting to have some crazy dreams about the end of the world and thousands upon thousands of women begging me to be their "apocalypse fuck buddy", but I can only vaguely remember some dream where I was riding on a city bus and then later on running on top of a moving train like the kid in Polar Express.

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11:39 AM: We are approaching High Noon, which to me seems like a good time for the end of the world to come. I guess that would be difficult with all the different time zones to let everybody have the apocalypse at noon. I would like to mention that it is a beautiful day here, sunny, blue skies, green grass. I'm trying to take it all in before the sky becomes black with evil and everything is burning around me.

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1:29 PM: Well, we've made it more than half-way through the day. I don't know about you, but I am SUPER stoked about that. I have to be going to my own personal little hell for about 5 hours, so if the world ends while I'm away and am not here to warn you, I hope you can deal with that on your own. Godspeed.

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7:42 PM: This day sure has been a nail biter, eh? Well, I'm beginning to think that maybe the world isn't going to end after all. I'm about to go celebrate today by watching the ORIGINAL Omen and eating a turkey burger. I didn't know what kind of food you eat for an apocalyptic night of the beast kind of evening, so that's what I went with.

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11:57 PM: This is it! The final minutes of 6/6/06! Holy crap, I don't know how to feel right now! I'm strong... I'm feeling strong. I'm strong for YOU. I am your rock (and apocalypse fuck buddy, if applicable). I'm ready for anything!

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12:01 AM: Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

"When the world ends, you are going to come with me"

2006-06-05T17:53:00.000-04:00

It has been brought to my attention that the world may end tomorrow. I'm not really concerned about that, mostly because I come from a generation that is fairly desensitzed to fearing things of this nature. I'm not a religious fanatic, so I'm not in fear of the beast and the apocalypse and what have you. I'm pretty sure that they ruined the crap out of The Omen re-make, so the fact that it is being released tomorrow is inconsequential to me. (Julie Stiles peaks my interest in it ever so slightly. Meooooooow.) To me, it's just a Tuesday. I only wish that I lived in a very large city. I'm sure there are some crazy fuckers out and about warning everybody of their impending doom, holding a craftily made sign that says something like, "The world is going to end, so don't worry about DVRing House", or something equally creative as that.

This all seems like a big cock tease to me, much like Y2K. I didn't stockpile water or canned goods for the doom of 2000. Instead, I watched my friends create their own ball out of foil and bang on pots and pans outside. (No alcohol involved!) In the off chance that the world does end tomorrow, I would like to get a few things off my chest:

Andy S., I'm sorry for kneeing you in the balls that day out on the playground in second grade. Whatever you did, it was upsetting, but that is no excuse. I know now how much of a pussy move that was* now that I'm older. I hope you can have kids.
Sometimes I tend to tolerate a person's fondness of NASCAR, but really I think that you are a moron.
I may come across as mildly intelligent, but really I just refer to the thesaurus spasmodically.
I have a pet hedgehog mostly to draw ladies into my lair.
I still have a personal grudge against that sousaphone player in high school marching band who didn't have their instrument on like they were supposed to while practicing a drill and I tripped over it and landed on my drum lug, slicing open my chin. To this person, you better hope that the world ends tomorrow.

Well then, I fell much better.

*Sidenote: Even though kicking someone in the balls is a pussy move, I would probably utilize this technique if I were ever in a fight. I'd like to think that I could whip out some of my passive fighting skills I learned in my Tai Chi class, but I'll probably just end up giving a swift kick to my attacker's nuts (or vagina, whichever). I've never been in a fight, but don't take that as an open invitation to attack me. If you do, you better wear a cup!

Weird. Funny. AMAZING.

2006-05-23T14:45:00.000-04:00

I just freakin' love this commercial.

Childhood TV Memories (Because I Watched Too Much Of It)

2006-05-22T02:31:00.000-04:00

I've been frequenting a site called Retrojunk lately and I'm in love with it. Mostly I'm in love with the fact that they have tons of old commercials that I remember from my childhood. (I'm always a sucker for nostalgia. Anyone care to watch Ernest Goes to Camp with me?) Now, this may be really sad, or I guess really effective advertising, but I could still remember the jingles for some of these commercials, like nearly word for word. This commercial for Double Mint Gum was one of those. I remembered the song, what happens in the commercials, and those killer matching outfits. However, I did not remember that the twins were butch lesbians.

As I perused the commercials for toys, I became a titch glum. Far too often I was thinking to myself, "Oh look, I always wanted one of those really bad but I never got it". Frooooown. For instance, Teddy Ruxpin. I always wanted one, and sadly, I don't even remember any of my friends having one, so I don't even think I ever got to play with T. R. in my life. If I had money I would probably stop over at eBay right about now...

Snakes Are Gay

2006-05-19T02:11:00.000-04:00

Summer is coming up and I know that a lot of people look forward to movies over the summer. There are some movies that I'm pretty pumped for among this years "blockbusters" such as X-Men: The Last Stand, Superman Returns (staring BGSU alumni Eva Marie Saint as Martha Kent), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Clerks II, Nacho Libre, and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I'm sure all of those aren't on everybody's' must see list, and I respect that. I just want to make sure that Snakes On A Plane isn't on anybodies must see list for this summer.

First off, don't let the name fool you. By that I mean don't let the idiotically direct title trick you into thinking that is the opposite of idiotic. I've read some blogs on this topic and some seem to think that it is some sort of creative genius. I might have bought that had I not seen the trailer for this crap. The special effects look to be on the same level of Anaconda. How sad.

I hope you've noticed the movie poster by now. What the hell? I can't believe how terrible that is. The whole existence of this movie just boggles my mind. Why? Whyyyyy? At least save it and release it during the winter when the release all the other terrible movies.

Look, I mean you can go see whatever movies you want to go see, I dig that. It's just that if you pay money to see this in the theater, it will be hard for me not to think just a little less of you.

Rock On (Because I'm Dead)

2006-05-19T01:39:00.000-04:00

My friend Lia and I were watching the movie Proof the other day and in it there is this funeral for Anthony Hopkins' character. It was in this big extravagant church and they had a string quartet playing music. That made me kind of want a string quartet to play at my funeral. How classy, right? But then Lia mentioned the funeral scene in Love Actually where they play Bye Bye Baby by the Bay City Rollers for Daniel's wife, and yeah, that one was pretty awesome. String quartets aren't for me. But what would be for me? I was thinking of songs that I would want played at my funeral, but it's really hard. I could only come up with these off the top o' my head:

The Beatles- Here Comes the Sun
Box Car Racer- Letters to God (one of my favorite songs ever)
Kansas- Dust in the Wind (but only if Will Ferrell comes and sings it)
Red Hot Chili Peppers- I Could Die For You
Smashing Pumpkins- Today (I first didn't think this would be appropriate, but I think it could possibly, as Rob from High Fidelity says, "bring down the house")

I wouldn't want anything cliche like Freebird or anything like that, that's for sure. Part of me kind of wants songs that would be totally inappropriate, like something by Prince or Motley Crue. But I'll be dead, so I'll leave that up to my friends and family to decide.

FYI: I'm not planning on dying soon. I just felt that I should bring it up, or else I'll end up with a string quartet at my funeral.

Title My Ass

2006-05-12T00:22:00.000-04:00

I have some friends that love to blog about their little show obsession for Lost, and that interests me about 0.00%. I haven't really been into any television shows for quite a long time (aside from Dawson's Creek, bitches!) so if you ever plan on asking me a question like, "Hey, did you see that episode of ________ last week?", just save some of that oxygen and keep your mouth shut because the answer is probably "no". Now, I love my Lost Blogging friends, but I don't know what the hell is going on with that show, so I don't care to read about it. I just want to let you all know right now that this post is about The Office, so if you don't watch that show and don't care about it, I have created a choose your ending blog post.

If you care to read about The Office, proceed to >>

If you don't give a crap about The Office, proceed to **

>> So I got into The Office when my friend let me borrow the first season of it. Freakin' hilarious! The great thing about it is that I thought that Steven Carrell was going to be the best part of the show, but really, I don't think he is. Don't get me wrong, I think he is quite funny, but he certainly doesn't carry the show. Honestly, I've only seen three episodes from the second season, so maybe this isn't as true, but I thought he was very annoying at times in the first season. I think that is the point because I think we would all want to shoot him if he was our boss. Personally I enjoy the humor that Dwight brings to the show. ("Assistant Regional Manager" Ha!) It's hard to tell if I enjoy Dwight on his own, or if it is because of the whole Dwight/Jim thing that goes on. Either way, I love it.

So, about this season finale... Holy crap! Jim! Pam! OMG! Total cliffhanger. I was worried because I didn't take my heart medication last night and I thought that I was going to die when he a) told her he loved her and then b) when he planted one on her. Yowsers. It's been a long time since I've seen a season finale of a show and had to wait months until the new season started. I'm very anxious and it's only been 4 hours. I hope she dumps Roy and gets with Jim. This is almost as exciting as Dawson and Joey!

**While reading this post you are suddenly attacked by a ferocious lion. You turn and look it dead in the eyes when it suddenly it swipes at your torso with its gigantic paw. You look down and see that the razor sharp claws have ripped open your chest and various parts of your digestive system have spilled out of your body and onto your keyboard. Before you fall into a state of shock, yet right after you had taken a gander at your small intestine and remarked to yourself just how fantastic it looks draped over the numeric keypad, you think to yourself that things probably would have turned out drastically different had you read about The Office instead.

Sinus Supremus!

2006-05-01T01:43:00.000-04:00

This weekend while channel surfing I came across E.T. and I got very excited. Sometimes, and I'm not sure how exactly, but I forget that it is one of the greatest movies ever made. I loved it when I was little, and it is still amazing to me now even after I've seen it who knows how many times. It makes me feel very kiddish when I watch it. And, yes, emotional as well. I freely admit when I cry in movies because A) I'm a man of the 21st century and comfortable with my emotions and B) chicks dig it. But seriously, how can you sit there and watch that ending and NOT cry? Plus, E.T. is a cute little alien. With ugly feet.

So my roommate said that he had never seen E.T. before, and that blew my mind. He needs to check that out, stat. That goes for any of you out there who have not yet seen it either. I demand it. I'll even come over and watch it with you (as long as you have popcorn).

Double Hells Yeah!

2006-04-28T01:24:00.000-04:00

First the Smashing Pumpkins get back together, and then I find out that Fenix TX is back together too! I know, that's not as exciting for most people as the Pumpkins getting back together, but I'm super stoked. I take shit for it sometimes, but I really dig them. I'm not like hardcore die hard fan, which is funny because I have enough Fenix TX shirts to wear a new one every day for a week. I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but it makes me seem like Super Fan. But yo, I dig them and I'm excited to hear new stuff by them. I want to see them in concert. I did see them in concert one time when they opened for Blink 182, but I had never heard of them before and didn't really pay that close attention to them. Anywho, the fact that Fenix and SP have both reunited is crazy, so I expect more unexpected happenings, like Guns N Roses will finally come out with Chinese Democracy.

UPDATE: I just read today that Alice In Chains are reuniting and touring. I don't know the guy that is doing the vocals, but he isn't Lane Staley and that is a shame/sad/wrong. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Hells Yeah!

2006-04-22T01:37:00.000-04:00

The best news ever!

Boo-Egg-Ya!

2006-04-20T02:49:00.000-04:00

It's been a few years but I actually got to color eggs this Easter. The plan was for my sister to come over and color eggs with our niece and nephew. Well, that was the plan and that is what we did. That sounded like I was going to hit ya'll with some crazy twist. Then again, probably not. Most of you know by now that this blog isn't that creative. Anyways, so my sister and I were utilizing the wax crayon on our egg coloring masterpieces. I decided to write "I was going to be a chicken" on one of the eggs, complete with a frowny face. :( My dad knew that I made that one as soon as he read it. Now the best part is that my sister wrote "Boo-ya!" on one of her eggs. I thought that was just fantastic. I also thought, "Wow, that would be great to put a picture of that on the blog." I cut it up and made egg salad with it instead.

I Ooze Class Like A Leper Oozes Puss

2006-04-20T02:19:00.000-04:00

This is from a CEO/Secretary Ho's party, and it clearly demonstrates what a classy drunk I am. I have the suit. I have the gallon jug of homemade apple wine. I have a sweet ass. Thunderbirds are GO!

I am distraught by the lack of secretary ho's near me in this picture. And that the most beautiful woman in the world isn't in this picture with me. Yeah, that's right, I saw the most beautiful woman in the world* at this party. I can't actually remember what her name was, so I just refer to her as "S". My patchwork recollection of our brief conversation leads me to believe that her name started with an "s", or maybe it had one in it. But whatev, Panda Bear. Whatev.

*Really, Keira Knightly is the most beautiful woman in the world, but this just assumes for a moment that she really isn't.

Disjointed

2006-04-10T01:42:00.000-04:00

I was in the check out line at the grocery store and was reading the covers of all the magazines while I waited for that awkward moment when the hottie cashier rang up my box of anti-gas soft gels. I was skimming all the headlines on the new Cosmopolitan cover to see what kinds of wonderful and original articles they had this month. Right there in bright yellow letters it said 8 New Places To Have Sex. I thought to myself, "C'mon Cosmo, you can't just invent new orifices."

Ever since I got those adhesive bandages that look like bacon strips for Christmas, I've been waiting for a reason to use one. In other news, since Christmas my fingers have been unaffected from my culinary slicing and dicing skills. Pity.

It seems that having the game Oregon Trail come up in a conversation with one of my peers is an inevitable event. My guess is because it was the coolest part of school in those days that it's just something that everybody remembers and can relate to. What I never understood is the absurdity that happens when you shoot a buffalo. Ok, I get a buffalo weighs like 800 lbs. and you can only carry like 200 lbs. back to the wagon. How come you couldn't just go back and get the rest? That just doesn't seem logical to me. Neither did the fact that someone ALWAYS died because of a snake bite. What are the odds?

I used to wear a watch every day until my watch battery died over a year and a half ago. I just remedied the dead battery situation a few weeks ago and I've come to realize that wearing a watch is really fucking annoying.

I hate leaving voice mails. It's one of the most unenjoyable things for me. That's why when I call my friends and they don't answer, I just don't leave a message unless they are either A) really special, or B) It's really important. I guess a third possibility is C) I'm really drunk. Anyways, it just irritates me when I leave a voice mail and the people I leave voice mails for never call me back. It also worries me because when I leave a voice mail, it's like a black out experience for me for the duration of the message. I just start sputtering out verbs and nouns and usually slip into some weird hickish accent or start using 80's surfer slang incessantly, all the while letting any memory of what I just said slip away.

"As you can see, Genghis greatly enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush."

A Little Worried

2006-04-06T03:05:00.000-04:00

Ummm... I think they made a mistake on my Dawson's Creek Season 6 DVD. For starters, it says Dawson's Creek right on the front. After watching 10 episodes, it's obvious that it should be called the Joey Potter Hour. WTF, mate? Joey's new man Eddie gets more screen time than Dawson, and it's his damn creek! And having Jack Osbourne guest star in the first 5 minutes of the first episode had me worried from the start. If this shit turns out to be the biggest disappointment ever, I am going to be way pissed.

What I Do With My College Education

2006-03-31T18:17:00.000-05:00

Having a video camera around drunk people is always a good idea in my book. There's nothing like watching the footage later and wondering why the hell you are spanking your own ass. In using my plethora of free time constructively, I've taken the footage from several of the parties here at good ol' 846 B and montaged that shit up with the power of music.
Do enjoy.

Oh, and Laura, I'm sorry, but I had to. I just couldn't leave that out. To make it up to you, I'll make it a point to eventually get around to blogging about your wedding.

Here To Save Your Soul

2006-03-28T21:14:00.000-05:00

Bob Ross, back again. Check it, direct it, let's begin:
http://www.happyafro.com/

It's the Bob Ross Happy Afro Cult!

Hot Damn

2006-03-28T15:54:00.000-05:00

Season six of Dawson's Creek comes out it SEVEN FREAKING DAYS! I know that you are just as excited as I am. If not because you too enjoy the magnificence of The Creek, then because you understand how exciting this is for me. If neither of those apply, you could still get into the celebration by sending me some money. I wouldn't exactly say that I can afford to buy it. A small detail like that will not get in my way, however. But seriously, send me your money. You know you want to.

Red Light!

2006-03-23T18:28:00.000-05:00

Today I came across the word "fern" and for some reason I started to think about that movie FernGully: The Last Rainforest. I can't really remember what even happens in it, but I do remember watching it and then wanting to save all the rainforests. In turn, that made me also think about that movie Medicine Man with Sean Connery and Lorraine Brocco. That movie also made me want to save all of the rainforests. More importantly, it taught me that, no matter how eternally bad-ass he may be, wearing a pony tail voids all of Mr. Connery's coolness. All those thoughts of rainforests naturally made me think of The Rainforest at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and how I used to always touch the plants in there, even though those signs specifically instructed me not to.

Coincidentally, all of those movies and The Rainforest exhibit opened in 1992. Then I thought, "Wow, I guess rainforests were only important in 1992." BUT THEN I remembered that's not correct because in sixth grade my teacher and two others collaborated and we had this mega-unit on the rainforests. I remember we had to come up with and perform a rap on deforestation of the rainforests, but that's when I was still underground and wasn't gettin' no radio play. I first learned what a sloth was at that time and decided that I wanted one for a pet. I gave that up several years later because I saw what happens to sloths in the movie Seven. I realize that had nothing to do with having a pet sloth, but I don't want to take my chances having any association to the word.

After giving it some more thought, it turns out that sixth grade was in 1992 as well. No matter. My point is that 1992 was a very rainforesty year. That's all. And that Sean Connery should stay away from pony tails.

Har Har

2006-03-23T18:26:00.000-05:00

Dream It You Fuckin' Dreamers

2006-03-21T00:04:00.000-05:00

I may only be in my mid-20's, but I'll be honest with you, there are times when I think of the things I had hoped to achieve by this point in my life and sigh. You may find yourself having these types of thoughts as well. There are just some things that, for whatever reason, just never materialized into the grandiose hopes and visions that pranced around in our heads. I bring this up because for whatever reason, the other day I rememberd a goal of mine which I like to call "The Superflow Dynos". Yes folks, I had completely forgotten about my desire at one time to start a kazoo and harmonica band called the Superflow Dynos. I know, you're probably saying "Let that dream die", and yeah, I probably should. It was a ridiculous idea contrived of tommyrot and bunkum, but that doesn't matter. It was a dream. If I let it die, I'd be letting not only myself down, but dreamers everywhere. How could a person expect to sleep at night with that kind of thing on their conscience? The dream must live on. Now I just have to figure out how to play the harmonica. Or a kazoo for that matter. C'mon, it's been a few years.

Sidewalk Talk

2006-03-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

I had to make a stop on campus the other day and I realized that I really really miss the random "sidewalk talk" that I exposed to while walking to class and the such. I was walking back to my car and there is this girl talking on her phone far too loudly for me not to hear. She was leaving a voicemail and it went something like this:

Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear this or talk about it now, but about the other night... whatever we did, ya know, we were both really really drunk...

I thought about pretending my shoe was untied and stopping to tie it so I could hear where the rest of that was going, but ya know, it was raining a little bit.

Dressed To Kill

2006-03-14T22:01:00.000-05:00

I always feel much more important and sexy when I wear a suit. I've been tossing the idea around in my head that I should wear a suit regardless of what is or isn't going on in my life that day. Doing so would most likely evoke feelings of exclusiveness and superiority in myself as I play Mortal Kombat and eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch while dressed to the nines. Being in a suit just makes me think that I have something important to do, like go to Europe and make love to women in seven different countries, or buy stamps at the Post Office. Whatever happens to be on the to-do list for the day. I guess if I wore a suit every day, the thrill would eventually wear off. At some point I would have to start wearing a tuxedo every day in order to reach the level of thrills I was having when this whole thing started. Inevitably the tuxedo would no longer provide me with the kicks I seek. I guess the next step would be sequin jumpsuits, a la Elvis Presley. (With less bulge, however.)

It seems that this could also be an allegory for Little Johnny's heroin induced downward spiral of a life that can be pin-pointed to the day he realized caffeine just didn't do it for him anymore. Tragic.

P Is For Portman

2006-03-07T23:45:00.000-05:00

What you want Natalie?
TO DRINK AND FIGHT!

What you need Natalie?
TO FUCK ALL NIGHT!

Natalie Portman was on SNL this past Saturday and if you happened to miss the "Natalie Raps" video, you NEED to check it out.

I know, it seems that they are getting a little too close to the formula they used in "Lazy Sunday", but I just couldn't get past how hilarious this was. Seeing Natalie as a hardcore rapper strangely makes me want her even more. There is something oddly beautiful about a woman who yells, "Shut the fuck up and suck my dick!". Mark my words, she'll be guest rapping on someone's album in no time.

Also, if you enjoy this video, the Lazy Sunday video, Andy Samburg, or all three, check out The Lonely Island. It's stuff by Samburg and his two friends (who are now writers on SNL).

High Fives

2006-03-03T00:26:00.000-05:00

Five things I enjoy:

Microwave pancakes
When a song ends at the exact moment you put your car in park
Symmetry
Cheesy pick-up lines
Funfetti cake

Five things I do not enjoy:

Silhouettes of flying geese on garage doors
My Super Sweet 16 on MTV
Drivers who don't use their turn signals
Folding shirts
The Karate Kid Part III

There Are Reasons for Order

2006-03-02T16:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Blockbuster Online,

Hey jackasses, why don't you ship me my movies in the order that they are in my queue? Don't send me Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome when it's #3 while Mad Max and Road Warrior are 1 and 2. I did that on purpose. I wanted to make a day of watching post-apocolyptic motorcycle gang movies in the order in which they were intended. You are ruining my perfect day.

I would also like to know how Walk The Line is on it's way when it was at #8. Not that I mind that I'm going to see it before I get Harold and Kumar, it's just the point of it all. My queue is a big tease.

The Low Cost of Evil

2006-02-21T13:19:00.000-05:00

I encourage you to check out a website called Wal-Mart Watch. It has some great articles the many ways that Wal-Mart is trash.

I've been very anti-Wal-Mart for the past few years but, admittedly, I have purchased several things on very rare occasions during those past few years. This year, however, I am totally boycotting the store and will not purchase anything from them ever again. It's an evil corporation that is a blight on our country, and the world.

Wal-Mart is known for opening stores in communities and eventually cause locally owned businesses to close their doors. That's their goals when they build in a new city... they vehemently strive to put these local competitors away and do it in a bullying fashion. It's ridiculous. A new Wal-Mart in your community doesn't mean more jobs and a better local economy. Quite the opposite.

Packin' 'Em In

2006-02-21T13:02:00.000-05:00

On Saturday the planet's population is expected to reach 6.5 billion people, so ya know, I just wanted to say "congratulations Earth" and get that out of the way. I think that is more than enough people for a while, so you can all stop having babies for about 3 years. If we keep this up, will Starbucks and McDonald's ever be able to build enough stores to support us all?

Whoop That Trick, Bitch

2006-02-16T01:52:00.000-05:00

When Hustle & Flow was in the theaters, I really had no desire to see the film. I have to say that the trailers and marketing for the film weren't very good at all, and the showing at the box office really reflected that. I ended up watching it a few nights ago... fantastic. Not the best movie ever, but it's definitely one to check out. Terrence Howard does a fantastic job, definitely worthy of the Oscar nomination. The majority of the acting was very good. DJ Qualls actually played a role that didn't annoy the crap out of me. Even Anthony Anderson does a suprisingly good job. I usually cringe when I see him in movies, except in Kangaroo Jack but that's because I wasn't dumb enough to watch that one.

One of the songs from the movie, "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp", is nominated for an Oscar and I hope it wins for two reasons: First, the song plays an intricate role to the movie as a whole and if the song was crap, the movie would have suffered because of it. Thankfully it's pretty damn good. Second, I hope it wins because how un-Oscar is it having a song with "pimp" in the title and lines like " Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too/You pay the right price and they'll both do you"? Priceless. It's up against the song from Crash and the song from TRANSAMERICA. I haven't seen TRANSAMERICA so I don't know that song, but the one from Crash isn't as good in my opinion.

So yeah, check out Hustle & Flow.

"Besides, most of the bitches I know are guys"

Use That Mint Tingle

2006-02-14T15:59:00.000-05:00

I hope that everybody's Valentine's Day is going super duper. Here's some nerdy valentines to enjoy. These days I always get nostalgic on February 14. I miss the festivites associated with this day when I was in elementary school. Wasn't that just fantastic? Everybody brings in valentines and you go around and put them in your classmate's valentine holder that you constructed earlier in the week. And there was that rule that you had to bring in a valentine for everybody. I always liked to make sure the people I liked got the cool ones first, and then when I had to move on to the crappy back-up valentines, those would go to the smelly kid, the girl that ate crayons, the slow kid that is 2 years older than everybody, etc. After all of that fun, you would get cupcakes and cookies and punch. Hot damn!

Those were the days. Don't worry, I'm not going to spew of a long list of complaints and hatred for the holiday like some people do. It's just another day to single people, ya know? I don't get why single people really dwell on the day and get so depressed anyways. Totally not worth it. On the other hand, if you were in a relationship the day would totally be worth it. Sex sex sex! I mean, love love love.

Happy Valentine's Day! Get laid

He's Back and Ready to Shop

2006-02-10T00:57:00.000-05:00

Mattel has come out with an updated and hip new Ken doll. Looking at him, it's obvious why Mattel said he and Barbie "split" 2 years ago: Ken likes boys. He looks like he should be part of the Queer Eye team. He has such fashionable clothes... a little TOO fashionable if you ask me. At least his hair looks better. I remember the Ken doll from the 80's... he had that hair that was molded into his head and looked like some sort of helmet. That turned out to be a good thing in the case of my sister's Ken doll because when I would play with them, that guy could fly. He needed the built in helmet in case of any crashes. Man, that always pissed off my sisters and they said that I wasn't allowed to make him fly. And by the way, I have three sisters and I'm the youngest so that's why I was playing Barbies as a young lad.

Planning Ahead

2006-02-08T23:08:00.000-05:00

Just my luck that Keira Knightley is artfully naked on the cover of the new Vanity Fair. Hot damn! I'm not complaining about Scarlett being on there either, although she could stand to take in a little sun. It's funny because I was just discussing my desire to marry Ms. Knightley with Laura this evening. She's a gift directly from the heavens. I'm convinced of that. Don't give me any of that "Oh, she's so waifish and teeny tiny". She's my unattainable object of salaciousness, so don't give me shit about it.

I'm pretty sure that this issue just came out and already I've come across two blogs that have had issues with the fact that the females in this picture are nude and that Tom Ford is fully clothed. Look, this is so obviously not a feminist issue. Take a good look at that picture. These are two of the most beautiful women in Hollywood tastefully showing off their fine ass figures. Male or female, you have to admit that they are attractive and not repulsive to look at. Now take a look at Mr. Ford's chest: He just has his shirt unbuttoned and you can clearly see that he is a hairy beast. Sure, there may be chiseled features on that guy, but who would know with all that man-shrubbery he's probably got? Nobody wants to see that. Instead, be happy that you don't have to see the field of hair and enjoy the smooth, soft, porcelain -- and Photoshoped -- skin of Scarlett and Keira.

Super Consumers

2006-02-06T14:40:00.000-05:00

The Super Bowl was yesterday and naturally the largest appeal to this game are the commercials. Not even taking into consideration that the NFL conspired to have the Steelers win by making horrendous calls all game against the Seahawks, I thought this years Super Bowl was a let down. The commercials fell short of my expectations. I was a fan of the uber strange Whopperettes commercial and there were some pretty good Budweiser spots, but I sure hope that Pepsi kills their Diet Pepsi commercials STAT. Anyways, if you missed the game or want to check out the commercials again, Google has *almost* all of theme here. (The one with MacGyver is not on there. Boo.)

Don't Stop Till You Get Enough

2006-02-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of listening to music and finding new artists, but lately I've been pretty confined to my personal collection of mp3s. I very rarely listen to the radio anymore because I just don't dig most of what's out these days. When I do listen to the radio, it's on iTunes and it's usually one of the 80's stations. (What can I say... the greatest pop music was produced in the 1980's, and that's a fact!) I was reading about a pretty interesting Web 2.0 site called Pandora and I decided to check it out.

Pandora is a music discovery service that helps you find and enjoy music that you'll love. Just tell us one of your favorite songs or artists and we'll launch a streaming station to explore that part of the music universe.

So basically you tell Pandora a song or artist (or multiple songs and artists) that you dig, and it uses the results of the Music Genome project to find music that fits that is similar to those artists or songs, such as the type of instrumentation, rhythm, and tone. It's a great way to find new artists and songs because it'll come up with some interesting results. If you usually listen to internet radio or music while at work or doing email at home, check it out. The only problem is that they don't have "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey, which as everybody knows, is the greatest song in the world.

1.21 Jiggawatts... of Love

2006-02-03T10:45:00.000-05:00

This recut trailer of Back to the Future is an absolute riot. It's scenes from the beloved trilogy put to the music of every conservative's favorite cowboy movie, Brokeback Mountain. Fantastic! Check it out in all of its cleverly titled glory: Brokeback to the Future.

I Just May Have Splooged In My Pants

2006-02-02T02:36:00.000-05:00

What's some of the best news that I could possibly find out? Well, probably a prospective employer calling to tell me that I got a job... but all things real life aside, it would have to be the announcement of season six of Dawson's Creek. FINALLY. April 4, baby! You better believe that I'm pre-ordering that shit. "But Chris, you don't have any money" There's always money for fuckin' Dawson's Creek! Those are words that were once told to me by no one ever in my life. However, if any of you had ever told me that, you could relish in the fact that your words touched me in a way that I still remembered them and held them close to my heart. Much in the way that I vividly remember Pheobe Cates pool scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High and the way I hold a DVD players ability to freeze frame with crystal clarity close to my heart. Kind of, but minus the excitement in my pants. For Dawson, there is excitement in my HEART.

FYI for those of you who don't read every single post I've ever made on here, almost a year ago I set out on a journey. A journey to watch every episode of Dawson's Creek. At the time I had only seen a part of one episode (Episode 55 to be exact, The Longest Day). Spending hours and hours of my life watching every episode seemed like the logical thing to do at that point. Well, I've been done with season 5 for who the hell knows how long and now I can finally finish the show. I don't know what happens, so don't tell me because I could quite possibly break down in tears.

I'm so excited. I'm hypothesizing that this is what it must feel like to women when their man proposes to them.

Recharged

2006-02-01T03:47:00.000-05:00

I was taking a little holiday from the blog, obviously, but as my good friends Aerosmith said, "I'm back in the saddle again". I just wasn't motivated to post anything the whole entire month of January. I was enjoying all the free time I'm having in my unemployed post-graduation world. I made a meatloaf one day. Another day I rolled the change from inside my piggy bank. It's just been a giant flow of rousing life activities I tell ya. The good news in all this is now that I'm blogging again, you'll be able to read about these stirring tales and become intoxicated with my rhetoric regarding such amazing adventures as my meatloaf day. (If you are feeling light headed from all the excitement you are most likely feeling at this moment, please, take a seat.)

Ho Ho Boo-Ya Ho

2005-12-24T12:22:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a great holiday. Santa in the hizzouuuuuuse!

Happy Festivus!

2005-12-23T17:33:00.000-05:00

Maybe A Little Blood

2005-12-23T17:09:00.000-05:00

Whoever is saying that Narnia is a fantastic movie needs to stop. All that buzz is creating a hype that this movie cannot live up to. I saw it last night and I was terribly disappointed. First off, I will admit that I did not read any of the books. Actually I did read one or two of them a long time ago when I was younger, but I don't remember anything so I might as well have never read them. I guess that, as with the Harry Potter movies, reading the books may make the movie more enjoyable. In the case of Harry Potter, I have never read those either, but I really enjoy the cinematical franchise. Sorry Narnia, no points for you there.

If I were Christian I would enjoy the it more because of the allegory? Possibly, but I am familiar with Christianity and I got it, but that's not really a reason that could have made the movie "fantastic". (I enjoyed Stephen Colbert's comment on the allegory of the story: "Last time I checked, Jesus wasn't a lion. Allegory? I don't think so.") The same with the effects in the film. They were really fantastic and I was very impressed with the look of the film. Effects alone do not make a film good or not. Not that I enjoy bringing up this film, but take War of the Worlds for instance. The effects were awesome, yet the film was a giant piece of crap.

In the case of Narnia, I really felt that the movie was very slow at too many parts and it really brought the movie down. It lacked a drive. Maybe if the end battle had outrageous amounts of blood and detached limbs flying around, I may have excused the slowness. Not really the fault of the movie, but I also think that not only the hype but the trailers had an impact on me. The trailers give the impression that the movie is something that it isn't, and I really hate that. I had an idea of what to expect and didn't get it. Even so, the movie was ok, but I didn't think that it was as special as I had heard it made out to be.

I think my roommate summed it up best:

I'm glad we saw this movie for a cheap price.

Ta-Da!

2005-12-13T01:33:00.000-05:00

Yo. I didn't eat some bad turkey and die. I wasn't sulking because of the whole stuffing debacle. I didn't OD on last minute projects. I didn't marry Mandy Moore. Yet.

I think that last week was one of the worst weeks ever. I mean, not REALLY the worst week ever. C'mon, what kind of claim would that be? INSANITY, that' what. But just so you get the idea, last week was really shit. Yes, shit. Not shitty. Just shit. I'll be so glad when I don't have to deal with class projects and the such anymore. One more week, and then I can celebrate. Celebrate being unemployed and broke. Hurray.

If I were in a situation where I had to rap a song in order to save the world, I think that I would like to bust out Fantastic Voyage by Coolio. Everybody would want to get up and wiggle their patooties. If I were in the same predicament and I had to sing a country song, I would first think about not doing it, but then I would probably decide to sing Baton Rouge by Mr. G. Brooks. That, of course, would be the proverbial worst case scenario, but if I had to do it, at least it's Garth.

I know, I know. There's no sense to this at all. I realize that. However, I had nothing very specific to post about, but I did want to post something. Regardless, it's my blog, sucka. I think that I may have to ask for post suggestions again. Maybe that could generate some sweetness. Last time the suggestions led to a picture of a whale penis, so you never know what journey you'll be taken on in my house.

Brodie sends a shout-out to all you bitches out there in Crazy-Computer-Internet Land. Holla at the hedgehog.

As If You Were THERE

2005-11-29T01:42:00.000-05:00

This was Round 1 of Thanksgiving. The question you should be asking yourself is, "Where the hell is the stuffing?" Yeah mom, where the hell was the stuffing? No stuffing on Thanksgiving at the Lamp-a-dilly household. I think that's a sin, and my parents are Catholic, so -2 points for them. Just so you know, I think I ate like 75% of the mashed potatoes. I love them. Well, loved. I have since digested them. Don't worry, everybody else had baked sweet potatoes, so it's not like I was depriving the dinner eaters in attendance of the mashed goodness. Now that I think of it, mom may have made those just for me as I am a non-fan of the sweet potato. Go mom! (You are still in the hole though for the stuffing omission.)

I should have taken a picture of the pumpkin pie. Not the pie as a whole, but of all of the pumpkin pie that I ended up eating. If I had, you probably would gasp. I am a man. A man who loves his pumpkin pie. (And also opening a new can of tennis balls.) I hope you are also a lover of the pie of pumpkin. It could possibly be a bond forming topic of discussion one day. Not that I regularly stir up conversations about pies, but the topic is quite certainly bound to come up.

Did YOU have stuffing? I believe that just about everybody else had stuffing and I can never let it go. What else did you people in Blog Land have for Thanksgiving? Tofuturkey? Green bean casserole? A whole box of wine all to yourself? A day filled of reflection on all your failures and apologizing for your existence?

Stuff It Like You Want It

2005-11-24T11:26:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! I hope you didn't choke on your food!

One Year Old!

2005-11-15T00:10:00.000-05:00

So my blog turned one on Saturday. Happy birthday thing that exisits digitally on some server somewhere in the world! I didn't post that night because I went out to the bars to celebrate and if I typed anything, it would have looked like I had unleashed Brodie upon my keyboard. (Most of the people who actually read this thing know what my drunk typing looks like.)

Speaking of people who actually read this, I would just like to say thanks. I mean, I would still do this even if I thought nobody was reading, but to know that 3, maybe 4 people read it is much more comforting. It also keeps me from writing really juicy stuff about my life. You would need a rag to wipe off your monitor cuz it would be so steamy.

Mrs. Wilson, I just want to let you know that I'm not ready to jump ship to Xanga. I know we discussed that idea, but it just doesn't feel right in my pants. Sorry if I got you all excited and *hot*. I'm a blog tease like that.

Don't ask me what's up with that monkey picture because I don't really know. I found it on Google images. I enjoy looking on there because the most random things will come up. By looking at one particular picture, I ended up stumbling on this clip of nonsense that I thought I would share. Kind of like the Bring the Boo-Ya party favor: wahoo!

Sure To Get Me Laid

2005-11-14T23:49:00.000-05:00

I like anagrams. Deep down I wish I had the kind of thinker that would enable me to just look at words and magically rattle off a list of situationally clever anagrams. Or maybe I would be in a position where a crackpot team is left to save the world from a crazed wanker seeking world domination. (Not necessarily George Bush, but possibly) So we are trying to save the world, presumably James Bond style and in the villains hidden underground lair, and a missile is about to be launched and cannot be stopped without the secret password. In cliche fashion, just before he pressed the "launch" button the villain mutters a seemingly useless phrase like, "Sheep tilt moss!" and everybody is like, "WTF mate?" However, since I'm an anagram genius, 1 minute later I'm like, "Shit, he told us the password. Sheep tilt moss... stop the missile. DUH!" Bam! I just saved the fucking world. Anagrams, what what!

How sweet is this: an anagram of my name is Marshal Pricky. Whose got an emergency porn name? That's right, it's me.

4 Star Boo-Ya

2005-11-04T00:55:00.000-05:00

Just a friendly reminder to you all who have never visited Bikerfox.com... Check it out for more sweetness like this. Biker Fox is the most perplexing character ever. For newbies, might I suggest visiting his guestbook. It's always good for a few laughes.

Nerd Stuff

2005-11-04T00:34:00.000-05:00

I think that very few of you will even care about this, but I came across this article from this guy who hates the font ITC Garamond about as much as I hate Brush Script. By the way, if any of you ever use Brush Script on ANYTHING, stop it. Just stop it. That font is terrible and needs to go away. The same with Papyrus (sorry Ashley). Here's a sample of the hatred this person has:

The most distinctive element of the typeface is its enormous lower-case x-height. In theory this improves its legibility, but only in the same way that dog poop's creamy consistency in theory should make it more edible.

I know most of you could care less about a person who hates a font, but here is the link if you are sweet like me. And by sweet like me, I mean you like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings.

Just kidding. I fucking hate kittens, whiskers included.

This Ain't The Creek, Baby

2005-11-03T00:16:00.000-05:00

Last week I zipped through the entire first season of nip/tuck. Ever since I finished season 5 of Dawson many months ago, I've been looking for a new series to tide me over until season 6 decides to come out sometime next year. I've seen the promos for nip/tuck about a bajillion times, and I don't even think that's a real number. I never actually watched the show before buying it on DVD, but I took a stab at it and it is freakin' awesome!

If ya don't know, the show is about two plastic surgeons in Miami Beach. That sums up the main parts of the show: Graphic surgery scenes (plastic surgeons) and sex, sex, sex (Miami beach). I honestly think that I've wanted to vomit in every single episode. I'm not a big fan of surgery type stuff, but I watch ER and that almost never takes me on a trip to nausea. There's just something about watching doctors give a nose job that gives me the ooble joobles. (They stick a damn chisel looking thing up your nose and whack it with a hammer!) The only thing that keeps me from splitter splattering my semi-digested food is the softcore porn that is the sex scenes. It all evens out.

But yeah, I realized that this show is the antithesis of Dawson's Creek. I could kind of relate with what was on DC, but I cannot relate to nearly anything on nip/tuck. Maybe because I haven't graduated yet and gotten my sweet ass job that will have nothing to do with plastic surgery, but in the end, will have just as many hottie biscuits. I'm curious to see if many females watch the show. I can see how it wouldn't really appeal to ladies, except for maybe watching Dr. Troy since he's almost naked in just about every episode. Also, I was trying to explain the degree of the sex to a friend and she asked if it was kind of like the sex in Sex and the City. I've never seen that show so I really don't know, but if it is, let me know. If so, then maybe I'll eventually watch that show, too.

Aye Ca-Rolla!

2005-11-03T00:03:00.000-05:00

I'm still amazed that Too Late With Adam Carolla is on the air. I admit, I watch it, but it's just painful. If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. The whole duration of the show is like watching a stand-up comedian having a bad day in front of a humorless crowd. Joke after joke, Adam might get the occasional chuckle. More often than not though, there is silence. That's too bad because I think Adam can be really funny. I did watch the very first episode and I figured that the show would be gone in a week. Sadly, it wasn't. I don't understand because I think that Comedy Central cancelled Stella, which was waaaaaaaaay more funny than Too Late. But don't worry Adam, your show has more humor in it than this post.

My Butt Makes Great Music, too

2005-10-27T00:41:00.000-04:00

Recently I was mentioning to one of the only 4 people who read my blog that the cover to Ashlee Simpson's new album was ridiculous and made me laugh. It's such a blatant attempt to draw attention to her tit valley. That picture looks so stupid and obviously should have been cropped up a little higher. Anyways, aesthetics aside, (that was some unintentional alliteration there. Go me!) I wanted to comment on two very interesting things that I came across today. First of all, Young Simpson's album was one of the best selling this past week. Second, I was reading my new Rolling Stone this evening and was looking at the album reviews. It turns out Ashlee was in there and here album receive 1.5 stars. It's not too often an album can falter to the point of 1.5 stars in Rolling Stone. Hell, the new Ricky Martin album managed two stars. That's pretty amazing since I thought that dude was dead.

Ok, so my point is that things like this really frustrate me. I don't put all of my faith in reviews of any kind, but when something does that bad, you really just gotta wonder. So a crap album, and hundreds of thousands of people boughtit. Now, I don't want to be the kind of person who bashes the current state of music these days. There is some really good music out. I think. I don't really listen to the radio. I'm currently afraid that "My Humps" will creep up on me if I have the radio on. That would make me speaketh words of curse. This just bothers me. Could be a hidden desire of hatred towards any Simpson sister and poor Ashlee is there to accept my frustation. Sucka!

My favorite part about the Rolling Stone review is a part where it says "...Simpson offers nothing for anyone." That's right society, nothing for anyone. Take your cd's back. You are not going to get anything out of them. Go buy a book instead and read it. Go do the Jumble in the morning newspaper. Go watch the Daily Show. So many options to mentally stimulate your mind instead of slowling poisoning it with aural junk.

On a side note, I've been going through most of my music as of lately. I've noticed that I really haven't gotten into too much new. I need some super sweet new music to rock out to. Hit me up with some suggestions. I wanna rock. With Tisted Sister.

I Didn't Forget

2005-10-25T00:13:00.000-04:00

Let me start off by saying that my absence as of lately is in no way my attempt to try and make people forget about the elephant picture I have yet to post. I just haven't had the time. I swear. Your minds will be blown when you finally get to see this picture. Lives will be changed.

I decided to leave another post full of bits of schtuff since I've been a little busy as of lately. You ready for this roller coaster ride? STRAP IN!

When I go grocery shopping at Kroger, I love it when I give them my card after everything has been rung up already. That way I can stare at the total and be like, "Holy shit balls! I spent an ass wad on food!" And then, just like that, the cashier scans my card and that total gets low, gets low, gets loooooow. I just stare at it. It's amazing.

I Love the 80's 3D was on tonight and that made me happy. That's cool because I do in fact Love the 80's. If you want to marry me, you better like 80's pop music. If not, get the f-out. That's just how it is in Chris Land. Anyways, tonight was 1980 and apparently that is when the Post-it came out. I don't know where the hell I was, but I didn't think that those came out until that late 80's. It's like my world vision has been an illusion. What, oh what, is this life for?

Dakota Fanning is a mutant.

It's nearing Halloween. Hotties who dress as skanky as possible. Yes! AMC plays semi-terrible horror films. Yes! I get to dig out pumpkin guts with my bare hands and play Nip/Tuck on that bitch. Yes! Smell my feet, give me something good to eat.

After I broke up with my crush on Katie Holmes several weeks ago, I realized that the majority of my possible replacement crushes start with the letter K. Kate Beckensale, Kiera Knightly, Kelly Clarkson, etc. Claire Danes should be on there cuz it sounds like a K. I think I had others, but I can't think of them at the moment. It doesn't matter... I don't know where this was going anyways.

"Just another minute... they re-routed me into Friendster."

Gibby Gib Gibberish

2005-10-12T23:34:00.000-04:00

First of all, what the crap is with that new Black Eyed Peas song? TOTAL SHIT. C'mon Peas, you are so much better than this. Ugh. The sheer magnitude of this songs bile laced sound waves infuriates me beyond all previously known levels of song induced infuriation.

For those of you who don't know, Dane Cook is piss yourself funny. I very much enjoy his humor. He's got a couple of CD's out, so if you don't know about the Dane, you should totally check him out. And if he makes you piss yourself, that's cool, but don't tell me about it. "You mind if I knock against you with my cock? Just for about an hour? My DENIM COCK?"

I tried the Pumpkin Ale.

I will never buy the Pumpkin Ale again.

I went to a Chinese buffet the other day with my friend Sober Ben. Sober Ben is the biggest buffet pussy I've ever met. One and a half plates? No man, no. 3 plate MINIMUM. Eat it like you mean it. That's what I say. And then after I eat it like I mean it, I pretty much feel like exploding like I mean it. I gorge at the bountiful feast laid before me at the Huuuuuuuu-nan. Then I wait for the time to come where, ya know... YOU KNOW. It's all you can hope for when you reach that juncture of your buffet experience. Over and out. Roger-Roger, Charlie niner.

For all of those who have shown signs of disbelief in the past when I tell the story about how I rode an elephant when I was a youngster, well F.U. all because the other day I found the photograph that does indeed reveal this majestic event. Moral of the story: I rode an elephant.

Now that I have recently joined the 24 Year Old Club, I just may have become more or a ranter. I mean, it's really hard to tell, and that kind of thing just doesn't happen like that. There's got to be the transitional period where your rant level gradually increases, and then one day you are 24, and then pretty soon you realize that you have increased your rant level to a height that was impenetrable as a youngin' 20 year old. I'm glad I have a blog then so I can rant and pretend millions and millions of people are listening to me rant. Thank you world. Thank you.

"You look like a Man-O-Lantern"

The End of an Era

2005-10-06T00:43:00.000-04:00

Katie, we're done. I'm sorry, but you let Tommy knock you up, and at this point in time, that would qualify as being "tainted". After you and Tom are no longer together in 3 years, I doubt I will ever be able to lust after you again. All those hours of "the Creek" that I watched... I can never look at Joey Potter the same.

I shall commence with a new high profile crush immediately. Off my list you go. You were at the top, and now you get the drop. Sorry doll, but you did this to yourself.

Who Knew

2005-09-27T02:28:00.000-04:00

Words of advice from my tow truck experience this past sunday, courtesy of the tow truck/former marine/former NIS agent driver of Mexican decent:

Now, those Mexicans in Texas, they are crazy man. If they like you, then man, you are ok. But, if they don't like you, they will cut off your penis.

I am never going to Texas. Ever.

Come Get Your Ham

2005-09-23T02:46:00.000-04:00

If you need a Napoleon Dynamite fix, here are a bunch of spots that Napoleon and Pedro did for the Utah State Fair.

Oh, and I'm really excited about the Napoleon action figures that are coming out in November. Probably because I'm part nerd. But which part is it, that's the real question.

Opinions From the Retarded

2005-09-21T00:38:00.000-04:00

A comment/review on Amazon for the season one DVD of Dawson's Creek:

Rating: 1 Star
Now, my review might be a little biased considering I am a huge OC fan (and no show will ever live up to the OC), but I this isn't the best show out there. Their dialoge is unrealistic and the whole plot is about who likes who and so forth. I mean the show would have been better if the people had bigger problems besides Joey liking Dawson and people having affairs.

I had no idea that the OC was a spectacle of intelligent plot lines and no romantic involvements.

Guilt, Alcohol, and Bake sales

2005-09-18T21:01:00.000-04:00

It never fails that if I go into Kroger and buy alcohol and not much of anything else, there is always some organization in the lobby asking for donations or selling some sort of confectionary wonder. And when I say organization, that is almost always something like a church youth group, Girls Scouts/Boy Scouts, or the local middle school cheerleaders. I'm on a tight budget and all and as most college students can attest to, you may be broke, but never broke enough that you can't afford alcohol. Even so, I always feel a tiny bit assholeish when a 10 year old genuinely asks me if I could donate to their cause/organization and I'm standing there holding two six packs of some sort of bottled alcoholic beverage and I say, "No, I'm sorry, I don't have any extra money."

I guess it's not a lie. I don't have any extra money. I just spent it on booze! Sorry kid, but you caught daddy on a night when he is looking forward to drinking the feel good juice he just bought. To hell with compassion, I'm gonna go drinking! I think next time I'm going to donate my coupons that come with my receipt. That's helpful because in then end, that child could take the $2.45 they are saving after they buy 8 Lean Cusine frozen dinners and donate it.

We live in a cruel, cruel world. I'm here to teach the youth of America that. Life lessons, courtesy of ME.

The 8 Year Curse

2005-09-13T19:02:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of: http://waroffice.us/

Could It Get Any Better?

2005-09-07T01:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, the picture of Laura was fun, but wouldn't seeing a video of her drunk ass be even better??? You bet it would!

Video!

Wonderful Joy

2005-09-06T21:42:00.000-04:00

So the coolest person to ever see drunk would have to be Lushers McGee up there.

It Didn't Rain On My Parade

2005-08-30T10:25:00.000-04:00

Now that mother nature is through bitch slapping New Orleans, I figured that I should post some stuff about my little trip to the Big Easy. I was watching CNN looking at some footage from post hurricane destruction and it was weird because I totally recognized some of the stuff they were showing. My friend Kristen sent me this link where you can watch an ariel view of the flooding. Check it out.

Here is part one of my New Orleans pictures. I have entitled this "Random Girls Who I Got My Picture Taken With". Click on the pictures to see drunk people BIGGER.

Friday night Kristen, her boyfriend Jacob, and I hit it up on Bourbon St. Craziness down there. I did end up becoming quite intoxicated that night. I really only needed three drinks to get there too. My friends made sure to have me get the strongest damn drinks down there. Hurricane: check. Hand Grenade: check. Jester: check. The Jester is kind of gross. It tastes like what not good tastes like. That was the first thing I had and I was feeling mighty damn good after just a small teeney tiny one of those. Kristen told me it was "Lots of coconut rum and some other stuff". After I finished it I found out that "other stuff" was 151 and Everclear. It was hee-fuckin'-haw after that! Being drunk on Bourbon, I decided that I wanted my picture with random ladies. Kristen went up to groups and asked if she could take my picture with them. Well, she is a tricky little person, so she probably didn't ask like that. I'm sure she told them I had a heart stripe and was dying or something like that.

That woman that is wearing the veil, well she was pretty friendly for someone who is getting married in a few weeks. And you can tell by the look on my face that I'm very concerned. Don't worry... the girl with the feather boa isn't choking me to death. That would have been a pretty big downer for the weekend though. I think that I probably would have been upset.

It was a fun evening, even though none of these ladies grabbed my butt or flashed me. Woe is me.

Green Day Rules Me

2005-08-24T00:41:00.000-04:00

First off, if you have yet to experience the album American Idiot by Green Day, get up off your bacon ass and buy it. It's been out for about 11 months now, so get wit it. This has been one of my all-time favorite albums since I got it last October. Freakin' amazing. I wasn't sure what to expect when I heard that Green Day was putting out a rock opera, but they made something that was fan-flippin-tastic.

They recently released their new single, Wake Me Up When September Ends. I was pretty surprised that they chose that for the next song off of the album, but I was even more surprised when I saw the video for it. First off, the song is about the death of Billy Joe Armstrong's father, which is why the video was such a surprise to me. Instead of using that topic for the video, they went a completely different route. Secondly, it's a very politically charged video. The whole album is very political in itself, (anti-Bush, my favorite kind of anti) yet none of the three previous videos have really gone the in-your-face political route. With all that said, the video is simply amazing.

You can watch the video here. (Click on the "video" section down at the bottom.) This isn't your average music video and is more of a short short film (think Thriller) so be aware that it's a big file if you have a slow connection. I'll admit that it does get a little over dramatic in some parts, but in the end, I think it really benefits the video as a whole. I don't want to spoil it, so just go and watch it. It's not too often that upon the conclusion of a music video, it makes me stop and think for a moment, really taking in what I just watched. Let me know what you think.

Shazaaaam!

2005-08-24T00:34:00.000-04:00

WHAT'S UP, BITCHES! After some delay, I'm finally posting again. Things have been pretty hectic lately and the blog had ended up going by the wayside. During that time I had been packing, moving, unpacking, gettin' my work on and such. Most important of all, I was on holiday for most of last week in New Orleans. The Big Easy, woot woot! I had a killer time down there and you'll find out more about all that in future posts.

Ok, there's not much point to this post except for letting you all know I'm alive. Alive and STD free for more than 23 years. Get up on it.

Black Eyed Pees

2005-08-08T23:58:00.000-04:00

So I guess that while doing a concert in San Diego (which "in German means a whale's vagina"), Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas was really drunk and pissed her pants. I've seen oodles of pictures about the situation, and it looks pretty legit. I mean, you do never know, but gosh darn, it's really funny to think that she did and believe in that so strong that you would punch out your neighbors lippy 13 year old punk ass son if he said otherwise.

That's too bad because I've always had nice, beautiful, sometimes erotic images of Fergie in my head. Now every time I see the video for Don't Phunk With My Heart, even though she looks so smokin' hot and her hair is all crazy sexy cool, the damn pictures of her and her pee pee pants creeps into my head. Talk about a boner killer. Forget thinking about baseball or flowers or Janet Reno for de-bonerification. Now all you need is this sultry picture of Fergie and her urine soaked crotch!

Hollywood- The Perpetual Shit Factory

2005-08-08T23:27:00.000-04:00

So Friday evening rolled around last, well, Friday and I thought that since I was done with classes for a few weeks I might chill and go see a movie. I checked up the movie times for the theater at the properly named "small" mall in town. There wasn't a damn thing that I had any remote desire to see. Well, I had already seen Wedding Crashers (freakin' hilarious), and other than that, crap. Just loads and loads of crap. It was overflowing with shittiness. The sheer amount of shit on my computer screen was inscrutable. I should have taken a picture to more adequately illustrate the abundance of excrement. I hope you're getting the picture by now. So here was the remaining line-up of films:

Stealth- It's HAL from 2001 transposed into the cockpit of a jet. Popcorn flick at the very best.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- I hated the original and Johnny Depp's interpretation of Wonka is more like a Botox fiend who just did a few rails of coke. I would consider seeing War of the Worlds again before this.
Sky High- I'm not really the target demographic for this film. It might be somewhat decent for the kiddies and the adults who have had their sense of good taste sucked from them.
The Dukes of Hazzard- I'm not sure why anyone would want to see this, aside from horny 16-57 year old males who want to see a little bit of that Jessica Simpson ass. Chumps. Just watch the music video of her piece of shit cover song and save your self not only some cash, but 2 precious hours of your life. I would also like to point out that, and I know they are staying true to the show, there is no reason that this day and age there should be a Confederate flag being glorified. Don't pull that "Well it means different things to people in the South". Fuck that.

There ya have it. My plan to go see a picture show was foiled by Hollywood shit. Box office slump? Derrrrr! There's been a whole lot of movies this summer that appeal to mostly those who are rockin' it with an IQ that suffers from a lack of highness.

So what did I end up doing this weekend instead of seeing a movie? Well, that's not really the point of this post. My goal was to show off my distaste for the current choices in real world parlaying events in the realm of cinema. That's a wrap, folks.

If My Birthday Were Tomorrow...

2005-07-24T16:03:00.000-04:00

The Egg and Muffin Toaster

Hot Diggity Dogger

Mandy Moore

A Moment of Lameness

2005-07-24T15:40:00.000-04:00

I just got done taking the "Ultimate Dawson's Creek Personality Test". After about a bajillion questions, most that you cannot answer properly unless you are 17, it had been determined that my personality best fits that of Mr. Pacey Witter. Here's the skinny on it:

Your Character: You always have a joke to spare, and your jovial sense of humor and laid back attitude make you extraordinarily fun to be around. You play the class clown because that way, people will laugh with you instead of laughing at you, which is something you're more sensitive than you let on about. And beneath that self-confident exterior is a fiercely insecure child who is almost paralyzed by self-doubt in spite of a high intelligence and unique world view. People gravitate toward you for your charm and your playful spirit. Of course, the expression "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt" might have been written for you. You have a tendency to focus all your energy on the here and nowÂ but having a good time isn't going to help you any in the future.

Bottom Line: Everyone likes you. Instead of worrying about keeping everyone (including yourself) amused, you need to start worrying just a little bit about the consequences of your natural laziness. You have to learn to motivate yourself not only with immediate rewards, but with those that will exist further down the road. A little planning never hurt anyone.

Character Defining Quote:

"You put a bunch of people together in a stuffy place like this, and it's all politics and wine. As a society, we're trained to believe that knowledge of these things is the key to a life well-lived. That this is what grown-ups talk about. I reject that. It's like listening to a dial tone. Boring. Not real. I say, be yourself at all times. Be real. Let your freak flag fly."

Look, I came across this and I had an episode of lameness. Besides, I know you are curious as to which Dawson's Creek personality you match. How can your life be near complete with not knowing?

FYI: I'm done with season 5. I only have one more to go, but I don't even know when 6 is coming on DVD. So I guess I'll be on holiday from DC for awhile. This would be the perfect time for me to read my new book. Or play Xbox. Whichever.

Turn the Page

2005-07-22T08:38:00.000-04:00

The other day I bought some books. GASP! Not school books, but books that I bought with the intention that I will read them in my spare time. I'm not sure where I got the idea that I had spare time to read some new books, but there's nothing like acting on an impulse.

I'm not one to usually buy books because I don't ever read them in what most would consider a timely fashion. That's why I don't get books out from the library. I never have them finished before they are due, and I don't want to return it if I'm not done with it. I've racked up a shit ton of fines during my years. Despite this lack of motivation to read, I really enjoy bookstores, and when I'm there I feel the urge to read a book, so I think I should buy some. The funny thing is, I have all these books on my shelf that I have yet to touch. I've been reading the novel Shogun for like, 4 years now. It's really long and I keep misplacing it so I would go long periods without reading any more and that would cause me to forget what the hell was going on, so I would have to back track at least several pages. Add that to the fact I'm a slow reader and you've got trouble! Well, not so much trouble. But you've got something.

I encourage you not to wait around for the post that discusses how good/bad my books were, because who knows when that day will come. The good thing about all this is that I'm making my bookshelf look more intellectual. Nobody gots ta know I didn't actually READ most of them. Maybe I should try some audio books. I wonder if they are a waste of time or not. Anybody out there know? I really like those things that they have that are like audio books, only they have people acting out the story as well. What do they call those? Oh yeah, hollywood adaptations.

Piss on ST

2005-07-15T13:58:00.000-04:00

I work with the biggest bunch of slackers on the entire campus. I don't think I can stand it anymore. GRRRRRRR. I despise 200 Saddlemire these days. This is the sole reason that I don't want to work at a job that has co-workers. (Assuming that I do finally graduate) My plan to become a hermit who roams the terrain of Chile is looking like the way to go. I don't really know what it's like in Chile, but it has to be better than this shit hole.

"This is your captain with no name speakin'..."

2005-07-15T00:49:00.000-04:00

If I were a wedding DJ, I would try as often as I could to sneak on Pussy Control by Prince.

I don't know about you, but when I picture that scenario in my head, I just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Adobe Cha-Cha-Cha

2005-07-14T23:51:00.000-04:00

I don't much appreciate when people who are out of their element come in to yours and try to talk to you like you don't know what you are doing. "Donnie, you are out of your element!" If you can't design a halfway decent layout that doesn't look like InDesign barfed on the screen, then don't talk to me about design choices. Drop the know-all-things-semi-artistically-related cockiness.

Anywho, my PTT'er Meghan who embraces Photoshop, has unleashed Laura's hatred for said program. How sad, Laura. How sad.

There is a special place in my heart for Laura because she is cool with the sexy and beautiful InDesign. I feel a connection with her on that because I showed her a thing or two back in the day. But for her to just give up on learning Photoshop... it breaks the heart.

Laura, I'm putting some lyrical poetry down here for you. Take these to heart:

Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling
Streetlight people

Don't stop believing, Laura. Don't stop. You can learn Photoshop. Meghan can teach you. She was taught by a wise man.

Best Reality Shows Ever

2005-07-08T00:23:00.000-04:00

I came across this website that has a reality show premise generator, and it's really freakin' funny. What is a reality show premise generator you ask? Well, here is what mine came up as:

Shattered Dream

A group of Refugee Children stranded on a Minefield competes for survival.
But the catch is:
The local warlord has already sold them into prostitution

Oh man, so freakin' funny. They have lots of other wonderful situations. Check it out.

I think that the pureness of my hatred towards reality shows is what makes me enjoy this even more. I hope you share that same hatred as me. If not, you probably enjoy watching reality shows, and therefore your brain could quite possibly be mush. Mushy mush mush.

2005-06-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Spielberg,

Remember when you used to make good movies?

Sincerely,
Christopher

P.S. Please send me a check for $9.50. I asked the theater for a refund, but they don't give those. Even for pieces of crap like War of the Worlds.

Compendium

2005-06-29T22:25:00.000-04:00

I was going to go on a mini blog posting rampage this evening, but I have the TV on and the commercials for The Pacifier coming out on DVD are distracting me. I keep watching them every time they come on. I'm never going to rent the movie because I know it's total crap. I mean, people are comparing it to Arnold and Kindergarten Cop, but I have my doubts as to it being better than that.

Since I'm being constantly distracted by Vin Diesel crap and I won't reach over and turn the TV off, I decided to just put a hodge podge of shorter posts all in one larger post. This deviates from my usual one-topic-per-post format, so I hope I don't freak out any of you trusty readers out there. Don't worry, I'm not selling out! (Especially since I'm not jumping ship to Xanga. Sucka!)

Me and My Underwear:
I still haven't decided whether this is embarrassing or if this happens to other people and they just don't talk about it. Yesterday I was at work and I had to you know, take a piss. In accordance with plan A in this type of situations, I walked to the bathroom. When I got up to the urinal I unzipped my shorts and went in to extend the fire hose. I was reaching, but my hand seemed to be missing the happy hole in my boxer shorts. After several trys, I looked down to inspect the situation. I turns out that I put my boxers on backwards.

Does this happen to anybody else? I mean, unless you wear boxers this probably isn't an issue. You'd have to be pretty messed up to put a thong on backwards. I have to tell you though, it makes the day kind of different knowing that your underwear is on the wrong way.

Give It Up Man:
I was watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, which is like the only reality show that I don't think is total crap. After finishing counting the ways Ty is a total tool, I realized that I had no idea how old he was. This is very important. I mean, he looks kind of old, and if that's the case, he gets even more points towards his tool-ness. I don't care if you are on television, once you reach a certain age, looking like that doesn't really work. I don't know, maybe this is because I'm being "neurotic" again, but it really bothers me. Actually, he could be 28 and he still dresses like a complete tool, and I'm not talking hammers and screwdrivers here.

P.S. Paige, if you ask me, I'll marry you. All you have to do is ask.

...And I Quote:
I decided that the funniest line ever spoken by Rick Moranis is from Spaceballs.

"Keep firing, Assholes!"

I believe that it's only funny if you have seen the movie and say it like he does. Say it out loud. You'll laugh.

Boo-ya!

2005-06-22T01:35:00.000-04:00

I think that deep down, most males my age always wanted to see Winnie Cooper in next to nothing back in the day. I got the new Stuff magazine several weeks ago and I was super excited to discover that day had finally come. I've had to "wonder" all of these "years", but no more! Please, refrain from all the "you're a pig" comments. The female body is a beautiful thing. Winnie Cooper's body is a really beautiful thing. (Would you rather I post another picture of a whale penis?) And yes, I know her real name isn't Winnie Cooper. However, I'm just trying to keep the fantasy alive. There are more lovely pictures of Ms. Danica here. Check them out. Kevin would want you to.

No Celly Tele

2005-06-22T01:06:00.000-04:00

In what is turning out to be the worst occurrence of me, a bar, technology, and negligence, I am somehow dealing with everything. You see, I went out to a bar this past Saturday and I seem to have left my phone there. I'm pretty sure it got sucked into the cushions of one of the couches. I could really give a shit about the phone since it was a piece of crap and I was on the verge of replacing it anyways. The ball buster of the whole thing is that all of my phone numbers were in it. (Everybody needs to send me their numbers ASAP!) My reliance on technology and my pesky persitent proneness to lose/forget things has once again managed to furnish a proverbial bite in the ass. Chomp chomp, biznatch!

A meager ray of hope is still out there, but check me out: this me not holding my breath on every seeing my phone again. And just like magic, Mmmbop has just come up on the shuffled playlist. I guess that means that everything will be ok. What else could it signify? I miss my phone, but it was a fun night, so I can't be too upset.

The only thing this picture has to do with my phone is that these two lovely women were there at the bar with me. In fact, they are on the couch that probably swallowed my phone.

Chomp chomp, biznatch!

Do You Like The Smell Of That?

2005-06-20T20:07:00.000-04:00

I was checking out some news at Cinematical today, and first off, be warned that most of this post is really geeky, but then again, so is blogging. So yeah, there was this blurb about how Alan Cumming was not going to be in X-Men 3. I found that kind of sad because he was really kick-ass as Nightcrawler in X2. I clicked on the link that went to his official site because I wanted to know the details, but I came across something much more interesting/disturbing. It seems that Alan Cummming is entering the fragrance market very soon. The name? Cumming, of course. I thought it was a joke at first, but I went to the site and I'm pretty sure this is 100% legit. I won't get into all the immature and giggle-inducing word play banter that have been so easily layed out for us, but go ahead and take a few minutes out of your day to relish in all of the wondrous possiblibites. Fragrances named after ejaculation euphemisms are fun!

Head Check

2005-06-14T23:00:00.000-04:00

If you feel that you have just too damn many brain cells and consuming enormous amounts of alcohol haven't eradicated those bad boys at a pace deemed acceptable by yourself, might I suggest a quicker alternative. Just tune in and watch the E! True Hollywood Story of Lindsay Lohan. The segments where they interview her friend will kill those brain cells faster than a 30 second keg stand. But be careful! Don't watch the whole thing. My guess is that it could totally lead to some self induced harm. If you fear that you may be reaching your breaking point, turn the channel, or stare at Lindsay's breasts. They may be your only hope!

Joey Potter's Maverick

2005-06-07T23:20:00.000-04:00

Dude, this whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing makes me sick. I'm convinced that he has brainwashed her in an effort to try "all the right moves" and go for a little "risky business". Every time I see a picture of them, I keep my "eyes wide shut". He may think he is a "legend" and the "top gun", but I foresee this hook-up hitting some "days of thunder" in the not to distant future.

Anywho, this is the best quote I've read thus far in regards to this topic:

"Katie Holmes' vagina must be like a magical box of wishes, cause Tom Cruise has lost his fuckin' mind."

Oh, and you can even take a poll online about this ghastly coupling. FYI, I didn't actually take the quiz. I'm not THAT caught up in the whole thing. See, those few precious minutes of my life that would have gone into taking that poll were more efficiently wasted on typing this post.

I do want to apologize for trying so hard to work those Cruise movie title references in that first paragraph. It seemed like a funny thing to do at the time. Plus Katie Holmes has only been in some really crappy movies and if I tried to use those titles, nobody would have a damn clue.